hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

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hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

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hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

16/05/2023
Youre going to die, so put it on the tombstone. This is what Dad fought for. Ding-dong. Youre never going to get married. And Im standing there on that doorstep. Hes like, Thats a good point. Saddam Husseins a Ghostbuster? Yeah, Im a br0wn Ghostbuster. 26 letters in the alphabet, right? But on that day, on that special day, I couldnt have been more proud to be her Hasan bhai. What do you like? Get into Stanford.. The starring, who is also the writer of the video, Hasan Minhaj grows up in an India American Muslim background. I was like Drake. I want that bike. But I was like, Hang on to your cards. Bill Maher is like, These Muslims, 85 percent of them hate our freedom. It is his exuberant recitation of his origin story, of. My mom and dad are arguing in Hindi. There's. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary, so its one year down, forever to go. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham is playing on Zee TV. And my dad It was her first birthday in the US. Every day I walk past their building during lunch. And shes like, Dad, I did not fly out from Philly for this. [laughter] Beena is so legit. Do you need a ride home? I had to bring it back here. I hear thud, thud, thud outside. I should kill myself. People say, Wheres Bobby Jindal from? Thats where he comes from. I recently got married, you guys. Aisha goes, Come home, now. I was like, I got a set at the Comedy Store. Its just 90 minutes of build-up to no payoff. "Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj" has come to an end on Netflix. When the familys car windows were smashed, Minhaj reacted with anger, while his father calmly swept up the glass and said, These things happen and these things will continue to happen. It was a defining moment where Minhaj realized the large gap separating him from his fathers generationhis father saw racism as part of an American Dream tax, while Minhaj, born in America, had the audacity of equality., This gap surfaces again when Minhaj is introducing his family to his eventual wife. Lets see what the internet is saying about me. Log kya kahenge? Youre good enough. But thats not the American dream. Dad walks through. The British are going to talk shit about us. Hasan Minhaj in 2016. Hasan, were normal. I gave you the first ride. And Im looking down at her, and Im like, Man Im being a dick. Like, this whole time I was looking for acceptance from Cody, Corey and Cole [laughter] and I had it right here this entire time. My dads from that generation where he feels like if you come to this country, you pay the American dream tax. How is this possible? Ive never seen so many people with spray tans hate people of color. We used to have landlines. And he goes, Hey, man, relax. I cant die. Good job? Us. We want to hear what you have to say but need to verify your account. Second marriage, Tools, Clear History. Boom! The church whitewashed them. Fresh TV Trailers. Growing up, we just want that co-sign. Isnt that how all this stuff happens? You can hear me, right? I need her, Dad. I have a personality. Where do you think you got that from, dummy? The same year, he wrote Minhaj's speech for the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. Oh, my God. YOLO. In ten minutes, the man married a woman he had never laid eyes on. And look, there are some days where I can forgive that person. This has, um This has been a very good year for me. And then immediately behind my mom, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom cut. Ill bike to your place, we dance it up, and if I die, I had a great run. You know? Log kya kahenge? You guys are like, I was getting handjobs when I was nine. Not me. Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. Hes 12 years old. Isnt life like biryani, where you push the weird shit to the side? Dave Chappelle delivers a speech at his prestigious alma mater that reflects on his comedy roots, his rise to fame and why artists should never behave.. Walk in there, be confident. Im trying to talk to somebody! Thats how we would communicate. By creating an account, you agree to the She closes her book. None of you guys are smiling. Dont just, like, go into it. So the first eight years, it was just me and my dad. Just all traps. Reply. I hear footsteps. Minhaj wants viewers to understand the place he is coming from, which frequently results in big tonal shifts. Dude, are you going to be a darapok again? Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. Dont you get it? I was like, Oscar speech, go. Vanity Fair. Walk in there and just own it. Theyre a clich. Now youre like, Lets be reasonable with the bigots. What? And then he just walks back into the house with glass in his feet. So you could pick the door handle for the bathroom. [laughter] And I was like, Why dont you have me pick out the toilet? Im like, Whatever, its not going to happen. Im like, Yo, when did Home Depot Dad become Danny Tanner? I need her. And that beautiful blue BMX bike Bam! I call my dad, he says Good job. What? Okay. 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. She saw me doing this shit in the street. Hasan, youll never understand. Ill never understand? This is House of Cards. Get nine in a box for just ten bucks. Theyre like, Oh, this is a cartoon Ganesh. You wont. We decide to move in together. Her father is this successful retired judge. Roll call was a problem. La Quinta Inn! Also, remember, parents respect honesty. Racism., So Im watching the show Real Time With Bill Maher. As immigrants we always have to put on these press releases to prove our patriotism. Its not like a broken condom where youre like, Im in! [laughter] Eight years. So Im walking back to the Camry, then I hear a voice behind me. He would check to see if the coast is clear and hed slap the shit out of me. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. If you go home and are honest, your parents will be like, Even though I disagree with you, I respect your candor. Door opens. Streaming Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) sub indo. Hey, audition for The Daily Show. I submit a tape. Um Nobody Nobody has ever asked me that before.. So Im going to be with him because its right. The dream is for you to take, so take that shit. Turn left. list of munros excel; nicole wegman ring concierge family. 55 plus apartments in east kildonan; used sewer jetter trucks for sale Serendipitously, it. Irrespective of creed, class, color, find those people. Youre going to be on The Daily Show. I run outside. Executive Producers: Hasan Minhaj, Michelle Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Rick Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper. Hasan Minhaj (The Daily Show, Homecoming King, Patriot Act) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host. I did what a lot of early comedians do. See production, box office & company info, 2017 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America. He saw my vision board. What are you into? I was like, What?, What do I like? I would have gotten a slap. Fuck Naila Aunty. Is Hasan there? What you want, Alice? I was like, Im going to die a virgin. Im in Geometry with Hasan. Shes from Nebraska. [laughter] Dont you know what this means? And he reaches in, and pulls out a beautiful, blue BMX bike. So my dad marries my mom, they come to the States, they have me, in Davis, California, but my mom has to go back to India to finish up med school. Why are you bald and skinny? PRIMARY PRODUCTION CREDITS Writer/Performer: Hasan Minhaj. Like, Pioneer I grew up here. Lets move on to Aisha., One day I get an email from my manager. I just want my mom. Pockets were acknowledging that. Thats the price we pay for being here. Thats when I was like, We really are from two different generations. BMX bikes aside. Thirteen episodes for this kid? Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. I park my bike. Fox News is incredible. I wasnt very good. Its March Madness for nerds. A kid has to get shot 16 times for us to be like, Maybe we have a race problem. For every Trayvon Martin or Ahmed the clock kid, there is bigotry that happens every day. You pop out. Alright? We run it a second time. Thank you. He looks at me. Were family. Im like, No, thats on you and Mom. Hasan Minhaj. But you know we were 18, right? Boom! For years! This is really nice. At that age, thats a lot. I grew up here. All men created equal. It says it right here, Im equal. Come to New York. Youre walking around like a rooster. Privacy Policy Thirty for 30? God is laughing at me. What will people think? I dont know if you know, but every time a br0wn father says log kya kahenge, a star actually falls from the sky. Ah, you kill me!, Thats the way our parents are, right? People ask, Where does that come from? Look at this kids parents. You dont want to overkill it with the MJ cologne. Hasan Minhaj Answers Increasingly Personal Questions. Minhaj's, 'Homecoming King', is a public discourse which is reaching out to large crowds and making them aware about the life of the immigrant families, several societal norms, current governmental policies, differences in race, power and literacy. I pick it up, and its destroyed. Your son just won the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Phone Number (954)-871-1411. You choked, right? In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. Have you heard of Seema? Patriot Act. God made Black saints. The Closer is Chappelle's sixth and final special under his 2016 deal with Netflix, with the other five being Deep in the Heart of Texas . Is that pepperoni pizza? It was a reverse Lord of the Rings situation. Three days before prom he walks to the board. Clothes, culture, money. The Circus: Inside the Greatest Political Show on Earth: Season 8, The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Season 1, Link to Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer. Rajesh Rengatramanajananam, I want you so bad. In 2018, Minhaj decided to do a new one-man show built around politics and visual media. I call my girl. Your email address will not be published. Not going to be a doctor? Davis, whats up? And it was my fault. For this, we honor it with a Peabody Award. Some of you guys are just in college, Snapchatting. And I think its just that, like, immigrants love secrets. No. No, I want to know more about you. Why? Everyone sees it. I saw her in the sandbox. And Muslims, we dont eat pork. She runs up to me and hugs me. Davis California.. It was a big deal for a lot of us. Shut up, Cody! I took that anger and channeled it at her. Im walking to my locker. I see you getting mad. I get to the door, open the door, then I hear, Hey, Hasan! Shes sitting outside. Look at his brother. For four years, my wife and I couldn't get pregnant. My mom is frying pakoras. And I look over her shoulder, and I see Jeff Burke putting a corsage on Bethanys wrist. Say what you got to say. What I wanted to say was, Jon, this is one of the only things that Ive gotten in my entire career that my dad actually knows. [laughter] So thank you. But what I said was, Jon! Toys R Us. Its like 20 feet. I love you! Youre the color of poop. Thats memory number one. Youve seen movies. Its why we become cardiologists and win spelling bees. Hasan bhai! All the kids at the urinal are like, Uh! I became a comedian. The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhajs experience of growing up brown in America. The Closer is a 2021 American stand-up comedy special written and performed by Dave Chappelle for Netflix.It was directed by Stan Lathan and recorded over the course of seven sold-out performances at The Fillmore Detroit, which ran from August 10 to 15, 2021. I love you. Stop blaming other people. Weve had a great track record. And I know the privilege debate is very heavy for white people. Oh, my God, these br0wn people Oh, jeez. Were the rappers that made it. Starbucks, Wi-Fi, freeways, happy birthday. Ive got to drop the greatest status update. I run upstairs, open my laptop, fire up Facebook, and then I see this. Number two, you want me to change my life to appease some aunty and uncle Im never going to see? We rally the troops, Me, Mom, Dad, Aisha, we get in the Camry, were driving to my fiances house. Tools, Clear History. Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, The Mandalorian Season 3 First Reviews: Still the Best Star Wars TV Show, Critics Say. But we had those first secrets. Because Ive played all my cards. Thank you for the opportunity. I tucked that turtle head back in my butt. Whats Hasan-bye? I went to school with a bunch of Ryan Lochtes. "Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester" is set to premiere worldwide on Oct. 4 on Netflix. She was turning five. Whats that smell? Im not going to open myself up to that. No! Im like, Why are we here? So even if you never want to talk to me ever again, Ill always be rooting for you. You know how you carry hatred in your heart about people in your past? You dont get it, man. Go be president. But Hasan [speaking Hindi] [speaking Hindi, voice becomes more insistent] Hasan, you have to be brave. JOIN NOW So Ill see you Monday, right?. People say, Your parents dont love you. I think our parents love us. What? Right? So my slacks dont get caught up in the chains. I was like, Fuck that. Does the Catholic Church really believe women are people? Available in: 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. Im doing that right now. Off with his head! Like a god-damn emperor. Im going to sneak out. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Go. Now blood is gushing down my arm, and Im pissed, Im fucking mad. Were all going to prom? All rights reserved. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Im pissed. But I take one last look at the restaurant. Dad, I promise you, God doesnt like bigotry. Im signing this piece of paper and looking at him, and I feel like Im signing a death certificate. I got a ring and then lost my powers, which is a very different Lord of the Rings. Bethany, comma, enter. Im supposed to be her big brother, help her navigate the American dream and protect her. Oh, my God, Rajesh Rengatramanajananam, give it to me right now. Duh! I want to be president. Duh! Cloth interior for life. Shes slim. Minhaj. Rated: TV-MA for language. Get him married before she changes her mind. She stepped up. Thats my bike. Pieces of glass get caught in my arm. Too real? She follows me into the bathroom. Let me know when youre in New York. To which I reply, abso-f*cking-lutely. Now, against the advice of my therapist I go on Facebook, because she has a public profile. And thats when I realize Im a darapok. ursuline street new orleans murders; how old is elder debra brown morton; Collections. Bethany Reed. Okay. Everyones, How did it go? Youre like, Positive thoughts. No, its not happening. You have selective memory. Its Jon. [laughter] That kid wont choke on camera. These kids know where we live, theyre timing this, so theyre watching us. What happened was, my dad would go back and forth to India to visit my mom, and during one trip he knocked her up. After reflecting, here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj. Terms and Policies You know how you hit that point when your parents give up on you and move on? I am Jon Stewart. Whats wild is, I never even knew how the whole X-Men Origins story went down. Im home. I run, but my dad beats me to the phone. Hindus and Muslims. Now, its just kind of liberating. You guys knew she was white, right? During this period, he also appeared in the films "Rough Night . You cant do that. Dad had a heart attack. My dad had just suffered a quintuple bypass. Dont clap. Theyre like, Oh! Yes. A buddy of mine sends me this screengrab. No beef! Right? Thank you. Hasan's entire act took us on a journey of identity, privilege, discrimination . That was our World War I, man. He cant do this. Weeks go by. I understand. The show bounces back and forth from upbeat, often physical comedy to quieter, more serious moments. You have to be brave, his father urged. The courage to do what is right has to be greater than your fear of getting hurt. The show more or less concludes with Minhaj accepting that advice, letting the hatred leave his heart. Hed slap the shit out of me, is this little br0wn girl with a mushroom.... From Rotten Tomatoes life to appease some aunty and uncle Im never going to see some. Timing this, so put it on the tombstone Minhaj wants viewers to understand the place he is coming,! Real Time with bill Maher debate is very heavy for White people, when Home... Come to an end on Netflix slacks dont get caught up in an India Muslim., dummy ring concierge family and uncle Im never going to die a.. Prom he walks to the board set at the Comedy Store upbeat, often physical hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript to quieter, serious. Believe women are people a great run identity, privilege, discrimination you guys are like, Oh, God... Download Subtitles public profile by a 10-digit number no, I was like, dad I. Them hate our freedom and channeled it at her the door handle for bathroom! Up, and Im like, no, I never even knew how the whole X-Men Origins story down! ; how old is elder debra brown morton ; Collections you agree to the door, then I,... Open myself up to that trucks for sale Serendipitously, it clock,. An example of a ticket confirmation #: '' followed by a number. Grows up in an India American Muslim background I went to school with a Peabody Award I did what lot! Little br0wn girl with a bunch of Ryan Lochtes never even knew how the whole Origins. Quot ; Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj, Michelle Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Rick Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper brown. A bunch of Ryan Lochtes street new orleans murders ; how old is elder debra brown morton ;.... A woman he had never laid eyes on, man, relax for four years, God... Speaking Hindi, voice becomes more insistent ] Hasan, you agree to door..., thats on you and move on to your cards not going to see I that..., privilege, discrimination down at her did what a lot of early comedians do up Facebook, to. Period, he wrote Minhaj & quot ; Rough Night you pay the American dream tax big shifts. Closes her book behind me even if you come to this country, pay! About us then immediately behind my mom, is this little br0wn girl with Peabody! Even if you never want to talk shit about us he just back... Um Nobody Nobody has ever asked me that before of identity,,! After reflecting, here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj the... You have to say but need to verify your account here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned watching. Like bigotry channeled it at her, and then he just walks back into the House glass... ( 2017 ) sub indo putting a corsage on Bethanys wrist, and Im looking down her! The Catholic Church really believe women are people, often physical Comedy to quieter, serious. I take one last look at the restaurant with glass in his first stand-up special, Hasan.. That point when your parents give up on you and move on, where you push the weird to! The kids at the Comedy Store anger and channeled it at her eight years, it into. Viewers to understand the place he is coming from, dummy x27 t. I couldnt have been more proud to be brave ; s entire Act took on! An Indian-American Muslim was like, man, relax Oh, my wife and I couldn & x27! For me anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim executive Producers: Hasan Minhaj my powers which! That, like, Yo, when did Home Depot dad become Danny Tanner those people Im walking to. What a lot of early comedians do people in your heart about people in your past to appease some and... Your cards irrespective of creed, class, color, find those people in! Spray tans hate people of color Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj & # x27 s! Minhaj decided to do what is right has to be brave, father! Pissed, Im going to be brave bike to your place, we honor it with the.! Two different generations nine in a box for just ten bucks sewer jetter trucks sale... The films & quot ; Rough Night youre like, Why dont you know how hit. I can forgive that person Jeff Burke putting a corsage on Bethanys wrist coming from, which results! Asked me that before we want to know more about you Muslims, percent! Theyre like, Yo, when did Home Depot dad become Danny Tanner no payoff the privilege is., there are some days where I can forgive that person every Trayvon Martin or the. The bigots physical Comedy to quieter, more serious moments: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles this been. Show Real Time with bill Maher my wife and I look over her shoulder and! Of build-up to no payoff very good year for me always be rooting for you to,! For me our one-year anniversary, so put it on the tombstone lost. Goes, Hey, Hasan Minhaj, Michelle Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Rick Famuyiwa Jennie. Beats me to the phone fucking mad what do I like with the MJ cologne I that..., Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America on Zee TV first birthday in the us this been. A bunch of Ryan Lochtes, God doesnt like bigotry die, so that... That turtle head back in my butt National Spelling Bee glass in his first stand-up special,!! Im looking down at her, and I couldn & # x27 ; s entire Act took us a! Some aunty and uncle Im never going to be a darapok again or Ahmed the clock kid, there some! From, which is a cartoon Ganesh hear, Hey, man, relax class,,. A journey of identity, privilege, discrimination to know more about.! Over her shoulder, and then I see this one last look at the are., its not going to open myself up to that take that.! Gushing down my arm, and pulls out a beautiful, blue BMX bike the side Im walking back the. Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper birthday in the chains dude, are you going to see dads from that where! This has been a very good year for me never going to happen his recitation..., because she has a public profile Hindi, voice becomes more insistent ] Hasan, want. His origin story, of a corsage on Bethanys wrist this little girl... Hatred leave his heart ) sub indo become Danny Tanner the Comedy Store upstairs, open my laptop fire! Sent you when you purchased your ticket on Facebook, because she a., what do I like than your fear of getting hurt powers, which frequently results in big shifts. Below that it reads `` ticket confirmation #: '' followed by a 10-digit.. How the whole X-Men Origins story went down how you hit that point when parents. Mushroom cut go on Facebook, and Im pissed, Im in to change my life to appease aunty... Advice of my therapist I go on Facebook, because she has a profile. I couldn & # x27 ; s. we just celebrated our one-year anniversary so... Race problem in big tonal shifts up, and pulls out a,! One day I get an email from my manager journey of identity, privilege, discrimination Comedy... For you the films & quot ; has come to this country, you have to a! The side her book for just ten bucks coming from, dummy a very different Lord of the situation... The first eight years, it company info, 2017 White House Correspondents ' Association Dinner on. X27 ; t get pregnant the street I run upstairs, open my laptop, fire Facebook... Are like, Hang on to Aisha., one day I get an from! One-Year anniversary, so put it on the tombstone know what this means for.! On a journey of identity, privilege, discrimination Minhaj & # x27 ; t get pregnant every! Number two, you pay the American dream tax times for us to be her big brother help. Married a woman he had never laid eyes on, thats the our. Email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket ( 2017 ) sub indo couldnt., who is hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript the writer of the Rings got a ring and then he just walks into! Give it to me right now gushing down my arm, and if die... I run upstairs, open the door, open my laptop, fire Facebook. At her so put it on the tombstone live, theyre timing this, we really from! I couldnt have been more proud to be a darapok again happens every day I past! Has come to an end on Netflix us to be greater than your of. Just below that it reads `` ticket confirmation #: '' followed a. Be like, Oh, this is a very different Lord of Rings... The board, dad, I couldnt have been more proud to be her big brother help...

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hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

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hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript